Williamsburgers, enjoy your final Parliaments — the suped-up cigarette tax has arrived, increasing the prices of said cigs by $1.60 or more, making some packs as expensive as $11.

To put it a different way: The in-city tax on cigarettes is now a total of $5.85. So, basically, half of what you’re paying is tax.

From hipster Parliaments to cool Camels, not to mention Vonnegutian Pall Malls — cough — this tax affects ’em all, and the New Yorkers that smoke them.

For some, the $11 might be the straw that broke Joe Camel’s back, and for this crowd, may we suggest the following alternatives:

• Tanning. To replicate the addictiveness of nicotine, that fickle mistress, without scarring your lungs, we recommend tanning. Only indoors, of course — it’s the only kind suggested to be addictive.
• iTunes. You’re probably used to frequently spending cashmoney in ten dollar quantities, and iTunes can provide the same wall-draining experience. Celebrate your Brooklynity with a The Drums’ self-titled album — they’re a BK band!
• The Great Outdoors. Ohmygod. I can’t breath. That’s what smoking is like, right? Fortunately, it’s summertime, so you can experience the same feeling of oxygen deprivation, plus pit stains!

If all else fails, invest in some candy cigarettes and pantomime smoke like a champion.